The "Why" of Rye

I’ve had the urge to sit down and write a little about my crossdressing the last couple of days. It’s not something I blog much about much these days now that I openly talk about it and furthermore actually do it. But a few things have interested me about it recently that I’ve as of yet not found a way to translate into my act about it and I plan to write a handful of blogs about it in the near future. For now I’m going to focus on the thoughts I have about the relatively new experience it has been in my life to actually be open about it.

What continues to surprise me to this day is how much most people don’t seem to care about it at all. It’s only been a little under a year since I really went public with it, posting pictures to my facebook and talking about it in my act and it still surprises me how little an impact it has really had on my life in regards to friendships and relationships and such. Before revealing it I was convinced I’d lose friends over it or have people treat me weirdly at the least, but for the most part people just kind of write it off as another of my many peculiarities. Which, frankly is awesome, thought also frustrating when I think of how much of my life I wasted on needless anxiety over the unknown of what would happen. Since my revelation I haven’t had a single bout with insomnia, something I dealt with since I was a teenager, and I have no doubt that there’s not a connection there somehow.

I think the thing I was expecting the least was just how many times I would actually have to “come out,” about it. It makes sense that I have to do it a bit here because no one really knows me here, but there’s a lot of people in my life who I was surprised didn’t “get the memo.” Before last year, I assumed that once I started crossdressing at shows the gossip gates would open and people who knew me would hear it through the grapevine and I’d get ribbed for it the way comics often do. Instead, I’ve created the occasional awkward moment of disconnect when assuming someone knows about it and dropping mention of it in casual conversation as if it was common knowledge and then needing to back up a few paces.

It’s always a strange conversation too because at the end of the day we’re really just talking about clothing preferences, and so there’s not much to actually say about it outside of the initial revelation. Sure, there’s the occasional follow up questions in regards to things like sexuality or underwear, which are easy to answer, straight, and yes, but then there’s some that are harder to really put to rest in conversation. Someone will ask me “Why?” and I’ll answer, because I like it. And then it is awkward because I think I have answered the question, but they do not. So I’ll say “I’m a bit of a crossdresser,” and then it is awkward because I think I have answered the question, but they do not.

Just the other day my friend Maria commented that someone had asked her why I do it. Maria has known about it a lot longer than most of my friends, but she found herself not really knowing the answer. The fact is, I don’t know the “Why” myself. Do I have theories? Sure. But sometime in the last couple of years I stopped caring about the why. I’m 28 years old, and this is something that has been a part of me my entire life, I’m comfortable with it, I don’t feel like it’s anything to be embarrassed about and at the risk of sounding a little egotistical in the process, I think I actually can throw a pretty nice look together when doing it.

With that in mind, I think the reason that the “why” conversations feel so tedious to me is that when someone asks me why I’m wearing a skirt, I’m starting to just answer “Because I have the legs for it,” and that both of us will feel like I answered the question.